Reasons Why You Shouldn't Self-Harm

Already Cutting, STOP! Thinking about it, DON’T START!

Cutting is not glamorous. It is not something that should be used to cope with anything you’re going through, and certainly should never be used as an attention-getting tactic. Cutting comes with a whole list of serious consequences that will affect the rest of your life, along with another group of relatively minor, but still burdensome annoyances.

Forget shorts, short sleeves, tank tops, bathing suits, or anything else you might want to wear in hot weather. You’ve got to hide those scars, burns, or bruises that will be there for months or years. So, plan on being really uncomfortable and sweaty in the summer. Anyway, if you’re wearing sweatpants and a hoodie at the beach on a 90-degree day, who do you think you’re fooling?

Cutters have to stock up on bandages. There you’ll be anxiously standing in line at the pharmacy checkout counter holding enough medical supplies to start a clinic for the homeless. People are going to notice.

Cut too deep, burn too much and you’ll end up in the emergency room—either that or risk dying. Once there, you know they’re going to ask questions. Lie all you want, they know self-mutilation when they see it. You’re going to be so embarrassed, like the cat that swallowed the canary, when complete strangers figure out what you’re doing. Your embarrassment will turn to humiliation when the medical staff start stitching you up.

Figuring you did this to yourself, some doctors won’t give you an anesthetic. If surgery is required, you’ll be days or weeks recovering from it. If they think you meant to hurt yourself badly, you can end up in the psych ward and you won’t be released until they consider you stable enough to be alone once again.

Of course, the worst that could happen is that you’ll unintentionally end your life. You might be high or drunk, cut too deep, pass out, and since cutters are usually alone slowly bleed to death. Almost as bad as you dying, your family and friends will be left to mourn your passing and feel guilty that they didn’t know what you were doing and find a way to help you. Your immediate family will be hit the hardest—you’ll leave them in grieving agony because of your costly mistake.

Does that sound bad, here are more of the Mental & Emotional consequences of cutting.

From the day you start, you’re peace of mind will be gone. Every second, every minute, every hour of every day, your thoughts will be consumed with either when you can cut next, or how you’re going to hide your secret. Nothing else in your life will matter. And don’t plan on ever being rid of your compulsive urges to cut because even after you’ve stopped and gone through therapy, they’ll still be there haunting you like Ghostface, from the slasher flick, Scream, and that’s exactly how you’re going to feel—like you want to SCREAM.

I pretty much stopped cutting a year ago and to this day thoughts of harming myself surface daily. So, once you start, there’s no going back. If you’re already cutting, get used to obsessing about it, like that bad summer pop song you heard a million times on the radio, and now it’s on a permanent replay loop in your head.

Need other reasons not to cut, the bullies and haters, they’ll take advantage of your weakness and vulnerability and mock you for it. You’ll have to deal with assholes who will push you down, slander and judge you for something you can’t control. Mix that in with a general state of masochism, varying degrees of depression, and feeling like you’re drowning in self-loathing, and that’s what you have to look forward to as a cutter.

Still not convinced?

As soon as they hear what you’re doing, you’ll lose even your best friends, forget holding on to a boyfriend or girlfriend, and even family are likely to turn on you. If you’re close to any of these people, it will cut worse than your sharpest razor blade.

The moment they find out can be hell.

The person who finds out is likely to yell at you, scream bloody murder, or break down balling. Family can freak out to the point of literally and legally disowning you. It’s not likely you’re going actually tell anyone, but know this, someone will find out your secret.

Bottom line, when it’s all said and done, when your arms and thighs are riddled with permanent scars, when you’ve alienated everyone who matters in your life, it will all have been for nothing. Sure, you may have temporarily relieved some tensions, kept your emotions from disappearing, even felt really alive for the first time in a long time, but it won’t last.

Once the endorphin rush fades, like the bad addiction that it is, the cutting will only leave you feeling worse than ever—more depressed, more hopeless, hating yourself more. This downward cycle will suck you into an endless rabbit hole of self-destruction.

The true irony is that sooner or later you’ll either stop or die. Since few cutters actually kill themselves, if you start you’ll be caught in a rip tide of addiction that will be next to impossible to break away from. At that point the road to recovery will be littered with deep potholes. Even if you successfully quit, the constant urges are likely to cause a relapse and you’ll have to go through the whole process all over again. Like the legendary Sisyphus who was condemned to push a bolder up a hill over and over again for all eternity, if you start cutting you’ll be risking a lifetime of struggle, pain, and disappointment.

Have I convinced you?

If you’re not cutting, don’t start. Don’t become another victim of the vicious cycle of self-harm. Don’t fall for the alluring illusion that cutting will be the answer to all of your problems. If you’ve already begun, stop now. Like all addicts, if you are cutting you may have to reach rock bottom before you get help, and believe me that is NOT a FUN place to be.

Outline

THINKING OF CUTTING, DON’T

Serious Lifelong Consequences

Along with Burdensome Annoyances

You’ll Need Medical Supplies

Emergency Room Docs Will Know

You might Kill Yourself by Accident

EMOTIONAL EFFECTS   

Peace of Mind Gone for Good

Never be Free from the Urge to Cut

Your Relationships will End

The Haters will Pounce

STILL NOT CONVINCED 

The Moment they Find Out will be Hell

You Will Stop or Die – So Why Start

To Stop You’ll have to hit Rock Bottom

Not a Fun place to Be

Anxiety

Anxiety is the most common form of mental illness out there.

Just think about that for a second...almost everyone suffers from anxiety to one degree or another. Because it’s so widespread, it’s not always well understood or taken seriously. When people imagine anxiety they think of being nervous before a test or giving a presentation—something minor like that. Little do they know that Anxiety as a clinical mental illness can cause panic attacks so crippling that the victim can’t even go outside. They can get so wound up for so long that it drives them nearly insane. At its worst, the person begins to hyperventilate and feels like they’re having a heart attack that’s going to kill them. Many end up in the emergency room and are told they only are having a panic attack.

If this debilitating kind of Anxiety happened to you, wouldn’t you suspect you had a certifiable mental illness?  

To help you understand better, here’s what’s going on inside a person’s head with Anxiety.

They begin to fee extremely panicky and nervous for no apparent or obvious reason. They’re pacing continuously, their hands are shaking uncontrollably, while at the same time they’re unable to think straight or concentrate. Their heart is racing and they might even see spots or even blackout from all it all.

Most of these symptoms are the body’s natural defense response called Fight or Flight triggered when someone is under immense pressure. For normal people the body only reacts this way when facing some kind of threat, but for those suffering from Anxiety, any stressor, even relatively minor ones, can set them off, triggering a full-blown panic attack.

Paranoia can often accompany Anxiety. They’ll suddenly snap worried that they themselves or a friend or family member is about experience some catastrophe, like dying in a car accident.

As mentioned earlier, Panic Attack victims can feel as if they are literally about to die or completely lose control. An attack can come on suddenly and without any warning. One typically peaks at around ten minutes and usually lasts no longer than a half hour. During this intense period, the person is gripped with dread and fear—as if something is about to end their life. The symptoms, similar to a heart attack, involve chest pain, heart palpitations, surges of surreal panic, feelings of doom, and a sense of simply going crazy. Hyperventilation is common, along with hot and cold flashes, worries about passing out, trouble breathing and even choking.

Some, so afflicted, may use cutting as a way to subdue their panic attack demons.

When the pressure builds, those with Anxiety know they need to let their caged-in fears and worries escape or face the consequences which can explode into a full-blown panic attack. Cutting can calm the savage beast before they end up in the emergency room. Note, I’m not recommending anyone handle Anxiety this way, so do find better alternatives.

The diagnosis of Anxiety isn’t just one disorder.

While reading about each type, think of somebody you know who might suffer from it. I guarantee someone’s name will pop into your head.

The First is Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

This type can interfere with a person's day-to-day life by overwhelming them with fears and worries. People with this disorder have a persistent feeling that something bad is going to happen. Often these people feel anxious all the time and they have no idea why. There may be physical symptoms as well such as insomnia, restlessness, fatigue and stomach upset. 

Another type is Panic Disorder.

The victim will experience repetitive panic attacks, along with the debilitating fear that these attacks will occur at any time without warning. People with this disorder may also have agoraphobia, in which the person may avoid places where they feel trapped or unable to escape, like small rooms or elevators. They may also feel to need to avoid busy places with lots of people and confusion in order to not feel that sensation. 

The third type is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Characterized by repetitive, unwanted behaviors or thoughts, impossible to control, OCD has been exploited for years by the entertainment industry. If you’re not familiar with OCD characteristics, think of Monk, the USA Network series featuring a fastidious detective who lined up the cans in the pantry and noticed when anything was out of place. The audience laughed, but the reality of OCD can be terrifying.

Someone with this disorder might innocently enter a bathroom to wash their hands and not come out for an hour after washing them over and over again. Another victim might leave the house to go to work, but before reaching their car feel a compulsive need to go back inside to check on whether they locked the door or turned a light off. Even after checking something many times, they still feel an unreasonable anxiety that something is still wrong.

Phobias are another type of Anxiety disorder.

Some people start shaking when faced with walking onto a plane, others when having to speak in front of people or climbing up a ladder. Such exaggerated fears when there is no real danger are phobias. In extreme cases, phobias can incapacitate someone, as the agoraphobic who becomes anxious by merely stepping out their front door.

Social Anxiety Disorder affects people in social settings.

They avoid being around people because of past experiences where they’ve been humiliated, teased, or bullied. In the extreme, they’ll avoid social interactions at all costs.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can follow some terrible event.

Combat soldiers are probably the most common example. They’ve been shot at, nearly been killed, had an IED go off near them, and the nervous system plants an intense echo of that fearful experience in their memory. Innocent triggers, such as a car backfiring, or a cork popping out of a bottle, can take them back to the traumatic event to relive the event as if it were happening all over again. Symptoms include nightmares, flashbacks, hyper vigilance, being easily startled and withdrawing from people and situations that might remind them of the event.

Here are some ways to counter Anxiety in order to live a more happy and healthy life.

Write down in detail the things that worry you to the point of bringing on anxiety. Create an Anxiety Worry Period in which you establish a time each day to stress, while staying relaxed the rest of the day. As a general principle, it is critically important that one learn to accept uncertainty—understanding that day in and day out not everything is going to go your way.

Relaxation techniques, such a yoga and meditation, can help, along with adopting healthy eating and exercising habits, reducing the use of alcohol and nicotine, and make sure to get enough sleep. If you take these suggestions seriously, you can reduce your anxiety levels drastically!   

If you feel that the anxiety is a detriment to your life, however, you should probably seek Professional Help. 

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy helps you challenge the negative thoughts and irrational beliefs that fuel your anxiety. Exposure Therapy encourages you to confront your fears in a safe and controlled environment. Through repeated exposures to the fear, you will gain a greater sense of control over them and your anxiety will gradually diminish. There are also medications that can help. 

If you want to help someone dealing with anxiety, make sure not to add stress to their life or put undue pressure on them to change.

Instead, just hang out and try to make them feel comfortable. Support them whenever they voice their anxieties aloud. Physical activity can greatly reduce anxiety levels, so get them out of the house to work up a good sweat. Basically, just have fun with them and be their friend. 

Outline

ANXIETY

More than Getting Nervous before a Test

Can be Incapacitating

Cutting Can Relieve Anxiety

Cutting Not a Good Solution

For Bad Anxiety, Get Professional Help

ANXIETY SYMPTOMS     

Feel Panicky, Hands Shake

Heart Racing, See Spots, Blackout

Can’t Think Clearly

Panic Attack Feels like a Heart Attack

ANXIETY DISORDERS    

Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Panic Disorder

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Phobia

Social Anxiety Disorder

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

COUNTER ANXIETY 

Establish an Anxiety Worry Period

Yoga, Meditation, Exercise

Healthy Eating, Get Enough Sleep

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Exposure Therapy

Medication

Into the Mind of a Masochist

WARNING: This material may be triggering to some in the cutting community. Please don't read on if you struggle with self-harm or masochistic tendencies and you’re on the edge right now. 

Those who don't self-harm will never understand those who do. And they won't because they haven't experienced the pull of a major addition. Imagine falling off a cliff, then, trying to stop in mid air? Not that they should experience cutting-driven masochism, because it really is horrible.

On the other hand, everyone is vulnerable to some addiction. We’re all addicted to food and air in a major way. Try not breathing for two minutes and you’ll have some idea of the seriousness of a cutting addiction. Deprived of air, all you can think of is taking your next breath—cutting takes over your brain like that.

Would it ever help, then, to tell a cutter that self-harm does nothing for them, that it won’t fix anything, or that they can and should just stop? Logic won’t work here nor will simply taking the rational high road.

Here’s what it’s like for someone caught in the grip of a full-blown cutting addiction.

Cutters out there, if you are easily triggered, better not read on, or return to this section when you’re feeling stronger.

For those concerned about a cutter, I want you to keep an open mind so you’ll come to understand where the addiction gets its power. Also, I may be using low-impact words, but don’t be fooled. Self-harm is NOT something you’d want to see anyone doing on any level.

During a cutting addiction, most everything in the person’s life will get worse, and though they may want to quit, it isn’t something you can just snap yourself out of.

As you read on, I’ll be referring to you as if you harm yourself so you can walk a mile in our shoes before judging us.

I will be focusing on cutting since that was my main method of self-injury and because it is also the primary form of self-harm being practiced out there.

Here is a glimpse into the mind of someone who suffers from masochistic impulses.

The thought to hurt yourself returns again and again—echoing through your mind like the heartbeat of a monster. What began as an occasional indulgence now happens more and more frequently. Somehow, cutting has become the solution to all of your problems—your savior—your Sir Lanc…elot.

Perhaps you heard about it from a friend, or found out that some students at school were cutting. Even a well-meaning school assembly about bullying or racism can refer to it. It might have happened quite by accident. You slipped holding a scissor or rubbed against something sharp, drawing blood. It could have even popped into your head all on its own. No matter how, once it did the thought of cutting never left—beckoning like Captain Ahab’s addiction who though dying on Moby Dick’s massive body, called his crew to their deaths as well.

You might be thinking, why would anyone even give something as self-destructive as cutting a second thought? You know it’s bad. You know it really can’t fix anything. Despite all that, you yearn to try it at least once. You have to see how it feels.

You’ve hated yourself for awhile now, and are feeling the need to express that self-loathing. You don’t tell others what you’re dealing with for fear they’ll think you’re a wuss.  Or worse, they’ll pity you and offer false hope and ridiculous assurances like, “Just hang in there…everything will work itself out.”

Anyway, you know that this is your problem and there’s no Harry Potter around to wave a magic wand and make it all disappear. No matter what anyone says, you’re still going to find yourself disgusting. It’s about knowing you’re to blame for not being good enough, for being such a failure at everything, for being completely worthless.

Another long, hard, dreary day and like always you feel worn down, numb, and empty inside. Nothing seems to matter anymore. You feel disconnected from everyone, as if there is an invisible barrier you can’t breach. Sure, to the outside world you still laugh and talk like you usually do, but it’s all staged and you’re experiencing perpetual stage fright—not knowing if you’ll ever get a part in the failing play of a life that’s doing poorly at the box office.

You can’t feel anything anymore—not happiness, not sadness—you want to cry, but the tears won’t come. Desperate to literally crawl out of your skin, your body feels like a maximum security prison cell with no way to break out.

The Grim Reaper taps you on the shoulder…why not end it all…but despite the apparent hopelessness of your situation, surprisingly suicide isn’t really on the table. You wouldn’t cause your family and friends such terrible grief. You may be afraid of death, not knowing what will happen on the other side. Whatever makes people actually kill themselves, you’re not motivated that way.

You just need to feel something again—anything but the dark relentless emptiness that engulfs you day after day.

That’s when you decide—to cut.       

You struggle with the decision, but to you there aren’t any other alternatives. You refuse to carry on like a mindless, bloodless extra in Warm Bodies.

Again, there’s no reaching out, especially now that you know there’s something wrong. You’re wary about how others would react if they knew you were cutting yourself.

You pick up the razor, or scissors, or anything sharp. Sitting in a private place, you can’t believe this is really happening. The blade shakes in your hand from anticipation, apprehension, and primal fear. Part of you wants to pull back, so you hesitate. You squash that resistance and pressure yourself to go ahead. You have to feel something again—to PROVE YOU EXIST.

You’ll only do this once, you promise yourself, just to see what it’s like, then, you’ll never touch the blade again. Tentatively, you prick your skin with the razor. The first time stings and there’s a little spurt of blood. It’s just a scratch, really, so there’s nothing to worry about.

But…that isn’t enough.

You need more so you do it again, but deeper this time. You accidentally press a little too hard and end up gushing blood. This time it hurts—a lot! You gape at the thick, viscous, crimson liquid and quickly grab some toilet paper to stop the bleeding. At first, panic sets in, but once that subsides you realize that you are feeling something—something GOOD.

You’re lightheaded and your heart is racing, but it’s a RUSH. You like this new sensation. You haven’t felt anything in so long.

The vow you made to only cut once…that’s dumped in the trash bin of broken promises. You continue to cut—and you want to, you need to feel that high again.

You make a new promise to only cut occasionally, but that soon changes to every day, then, every few hours.

Now you’re addicted…now you can’t get enough.    

You think about cutting every second of every day. It’s either in the forefront of your mind, or lurking like a thief in your subconscious, but it’s always there—beating like an endless pulse. You’re constantly planning your next cut in every detail; when, where, what, how and for how long. You’re thinking ahead about what to say if someone sees your scars. You’ve worked it all out so you can continue your addiction without anyone noticing.

You’ll hide your scars by wearing long sleeves, or cut on hidden places like your thighs. You’ll make up stories about where the cuts came from and avoid the kind of close physical contact where someone might feel the ridges on your scars, which might make you flinch from the pain if they’re not healed.

You’ll avoid public places such as pools or beaches where you might have to change into a tell-all bathing suit. You stock up on medical supplies for when your cutting sessions get a bit out of hand, so you don’t bleed to death or worse, get blood all over everything which might give you away. You close yourself off from meeting new people; paranoid that they might become suspicious of you.

Whenever something bad happens, you cut. Whenever you fail at anything, you cut. Whenever you do something stupid, you cut. You want to punish yourself for being the pitiful looser that you are, and whenever you cut, that beautiful burning sensation is your reward. You’ve gotten vengeance upon your slovenly, useless self making up for every single one of your terrible flaws.

You begin to despise and loathe yourself more and more, which drives you to cut more and more. You want to see the blood, feel the pain, and drown in the euphoric after-flow of endorphins. You want to rip yourself to shreds—tear yourself apart.

You start to see blood everywhere whenever you’re in the throws of a cutting urge. You imagine blood dripping from the ceiling, pooling on the floor, on your skin or even falling from the sky like some sick scene from a slasher flick. You’ll see new cuts on your body in places you intend to cut later.

Time passes. You might be cutting for weeks, months, or even years before finally deciding to tell someone—because you know you need help for anything to change. The problem, you’re not really sure you want help. That might mean giving up cutting and you don’t want to stop—but you know you have to. All the hiding and secrecy is wearing on you. Perhaps if you told someone you trusted, you’d feel better.

So, you break your silence and tell your best friend.

The words are nearly impossible to get out. You stutter, sputter, stumble, stammer and somehow continue speaking by taking deep breaths to keep yourself from hyperventilating. Finally, the words come out, “I cut myself.”

With no idea how they’ll react, you prepare for the worst. At first, they are stunned, then shocked. They’ll never understand why you would want to hurt yourself. They ask the inevitable questions, “Why are you doing this?” or “Can I see?” You give some vague answers. You show them some of your older, less prominent scars so they won’t freak out as much—or maybe you get a little scared and decide not to show them.

Then, the nagging begins. They go off of you, “You’re stupid for harming yourself,” and, “You’re being so selfish. Just think how fortunate you are compared to so many others,” or, “You could bleed to death,” and, “Cutting is pointless and won’t fix anything.”

You try to help them understand, but they won’t budge. At that point you just tune them out.

You knew they wouldn’t get it. You knew it would be pointless telling them. Now, you regret saying anything and swear never to tell anyone ever again.

Their judgmental lecture was useless. They begin to distance themselves from you.

Of course, they won’t tell anyone—you made them promise, and even though they didn’t understand, you can still trust them, right? To make sure they keep your secret, you continue being their friend and work hard not to upset them in any way. One wrong move and they might just betray you.

Basically, you keep it to yourself and continue your self-harm behavior, but you begin to feel the building strain from both cutting and keeping such an intense secret. It makes you even more moody and restless. You’re running out of places to cut where no one can see. More than anything, you’re actually beginning to feel much worse, not better.

Like most addictions, now you have to go deeper and deeper to feel anything. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the sense of emptiness and self-hatred returns sooner after each session, forcing you to cut more often. You actually start feeling even more depressed each time the rush from cutting wears off. You want help, but are still too afraid and too worried about what people will think of you once they find out. Most of all, you’re too afraid of having the one thing that feeds your addiction taken from you.

A secret of this life-and-death significance just can’t remain undiscovered forever.

Eventually, someone finds out. They might yell, scream, cry, threaten and even outright reject you. They’ll blame you for lying and betraying them.

You don’t see it that way—it wasn’t any of their business to begin with. They didn’t have to know and you never wanted them to, but now that they do, things aren’t the same between you.

Once you’re outed, therapy is inevitable. You resist. You still want to cut. OMG…now you have to spill all to a complete stranger—someone with the power to declare you insane and lock you up in a loony bin! They’ll put you on meds. Will they help?

From that point on, recovery is road littered with landmines. You might end up isolated in a hospital, tied down to a bed to keep you from harming yourself, or drugged out of your mind into zombie-like compliance. You can be labeled with a mental illness—a shackle you’ll be burdened with for the rest of your life. And, despite all the professional intervention, you’ll still feel the urge to cut.

Then, the roller coaster starts—you’ll rise and fall, then, rise and fall again only it seems like this ride from hell will never end.

Eventually, though, you will recover.

You’ve stopped cutting and you finally feel better than you have, perhaps ever—not whole yet, not happy yet, but better. At least you feel content enough that the demon of self-hatred is not driving the urge to cut as much—but it’s always there, lurking in the shadows of your troubled mind like a nightmare that will never end.

On the up side, you no longer think about cutting every second of every minute of every day. Now, you understand why you can’t cut anymore—because it never actually helped you. It was your ultimate alluring poison, but it only temporarily killed the demons that drove your addiction.

Your wounds healed and your scars faded, but they would always be there, a constant reminder of your past struggles—battles that left invisible scars on your heart and mind as well.

*********

I know this was difficult for those of you in the self-harm community to read, no matter where you are in your addiction cycle.

For those of you on the outside looking in, perhaps worried sick about someone who is harming themselves, this honest, probing, revealing look into the mind of a masochist will hopefully help you reach out in a more understanding and effective way.

Outline

CUTTING ADDICTION

As Powerful as a Narcotic

Not Easy to Stop

INTO A MASOCHIST’S MIND 

The Idea to Cut Will Persist

You Want to Punish Yourself

On purpose or by Accident, the First Cut

It Hurts, but you Love the Pain

You Feel Something, Finally

ADDICTION INTENSIFIES

Now, You Can’t Stop

But Everything Gets Worse, Not Better

The Secret Comes Out

Therapy is Inevitable Now

Finally, you’re Not Cutting Anymore

You have your Life Back