Suicide

Is Cutting a Gateway to Suicide?

Like with self-harm, there are many common misconceptions about suicide.

The fact is, you can’t predict who’ll commit suicide, because practically anyone can. It doesn’t only happen to people who are depressed. You could spend the day with someone who ends up killing themselves and see them smiling and apparently happy. The next thing you know, they’re dead by their own hand. There are no boundaries—the wealthy,  the poor, the strong, the feeble, the young, the old…are all capable of committing suicide.

Here are the reasons why most suicides take place so that you can be alerted to the signs and reach out before it’s too late. 

Depressed people are most often associated with suicide. While it is true that they are more susceptible to having suicidal thoughts, it does not mean that they are always suicidal, nor is it true that suicidal people always suffer from depression.

For some, the grief of losing a loved one may drive them over the edge. For others, they may have lost the will to live a life that no longer has any meaning. Some feel like they’ve become a burden to others and suicide can remove that burden. I could go on speculating, but the fact is most people can’t understand why anyone would willingly end their life.

In the devastating emotional aftermath of a suicide, grieving or angry friends and relatives will often judge it as a selfish act. What they don’t understand is that the victim doesn’t see it that way at all. Most feel that those same friends and relatives would benefit if they were dead. Along with that belief, many feel no one really cares about them or would miss them if they died. Since these victims, then, don’t think they are robbing anyone of anything valuable by ending their lives, how can they be viewed as being selfish?

Assuming you can identify someone who is seriously at risk for committing suicide, how can you help them?

You have to first get inside the suicidal person’s head and to do that you have to have some nonjudgmental understanding of what they’re going through. Unless you take this first empathetic step, you’re likely to make things worse instead of better.

Before sharing ways to help, let me clear the air on some serious misconceptions about suicide.

1. Suicidal people don’t ever talk about it or give any hints pointing to their suicidal intentions.

Actually, they do. We just tend to miss interpreting what they say and do as serious. The next time you hear someone mention they’re going to kill themselves, take some action. They probably are actually considering going through with it. The same thing with someone who talks about death and dying a lot—there’s a good change they may be suicidal.

2. Most suicidal people are gloomy and depressed all the time.

No, you really can't always tell the difference between someone who is suicidal and an average person. They could be your happy-go-luck best friend, a police officer walking his beat, or the friendly neighbor who always waves at you with a welcoming smile. They could even be your rambunctious children or loving parents. You won't be able to tell the difference unless you can pick up on the often subtle warning signs.

3. Only teenagers or young adults commit suicide.

A major misconception, suicide among the young only seems more widespread because their untimely deaths tend to become news cover stories put out there for their shock value. That’s not the case when someone older, or especially the elderly commit suicide, usually regarded as not as tragic since the person was able to live out a full life. So, both young and old commit suicide.

4. Only crazy people commit suicide.

Most people who commit suicide are sane. They are functioning in society like everyone else. They work, go to school, have friends, and are part of the community. It’s only when they act on their suicidal impulses that you’ll know who they are.

5. Talking to a suicidal person will only drive them to do act on the impulse sooner.

Most find relief and comfort in being able to talk about their feelings with someone. They’ll often let out what’s keeping them from enjoying life. Just sharing feelings with someone, and that goes both ways, helps them feel wanted, needed, and cared for.

6. People who self-harm are suicidal.

Typically, this isn’t the case. Most people who hurt themselves are actually doing it as an alternative to suicide. As explained earlier, cutting is a coping mechanism used to restore balance when someone is feeling dangerously depressed or anxious. Cutting can also settle any malicious or loathsome thoughts that, if unchecked, might lead to suicide.

However, cutting is only a temporary fix so those feelings can and will return later. If a cutter really wanted to end it all, and just stop feeling altogether, they would probably at least attempt to end their lives rather than ritually harming themselves repeatedly.  Even so, there are times when self-harmers inadvertently kill themselves by cutting too deep or doing irreparable damage to their bodies. In those cases, it isn't really a suicide, but a grave mistake. Dying wasn’t premeditated...it just happened by risking too much to achieve the ultimate cutter’s high.

Does that mean self-harmers can't be suicidal? Unfortunately no, the longer their addiction goes on, there higher their risk of committing suicide. They can get to the point where they just don’t want to go on anymore. I’m not saying that cutters will become suicidal, but there is a possibility of that happening. This is why it’s important to help anyone you know with thoughts to harm themselves before it’s too late. 

Now, here’s how you can Help.

The most important way to reach out to someone at risk for committing suicide is to Communicate.

The key is to make them feel wanted. If that someone-likes-me switch goes on in their empty heart, they won’t want to die. The key to making them feel cared for is to Listen without making any Judgments. Don’t berate them for being suicidal or put them on a guilt trip for being selfish because they’ll end up feeling like even more of a burden to the world.

Part of a successful exchange is to make sure that you share some of the turbulent times you’ve had sailing through the stormy seas of life. The more you’re open with each other, the stronger the bond that will develop, and the more likely they'll trust you. Hell, down the road, when you're having a bad day, they will probably be there to comfort you. Everyone needs someone to really talk to and rely on otherwise they can feel worthless as a human being. When someone feels that way, Worthless, why should they stick around?

Feeling worthless is often accompanied by a complete lack of Joy. Part of sharing some of your life with theirs can involve getting them out to simply have a little fun. Reintroduce them to what life can be all about—take a walk, ride a bike, get an ice cream cone, see a movie.

Communicate with Understanding and have a little Fun.

You can mean well and even be doing a great job reaching out to someone who is suicidal, but it may not be enough. Professionals have an arsenal of tools to go along with their experience. Not everyone is cut out to cope with the stress of trying to keep somebody alive. The pros know just what to say and can prescribe the right meds to keep the Grim Reaper’s suicidal thoughts at bay.

Suicide Outline

·       WHO IS AT RISK?

 

Anyone and there are No Boundaries

Not only the Depressed

Triggers can Lead to Suicide

Survivors often Feel it was a Selfish Act

·       SUICIDE MISCONCEPTIONS 

They don’t Talk about Feeling Suicidal

Usually Depressed

Only the Young Commit Suicide

They are Crazy

Talking about it Leads to Suicide

Cutters are Suicidal

·       HOW TO HELP

Communicate with Understanding

Connect Both Ways

Find them Professional Help

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