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Attention-Seekers & Their Critics

Attention-Seekers...where to begin?

Who is an Attention-Seeker, anyone who exploits themselves to receive attention from others. 

In the past they were pretty much anyone who had EVER preformed in front of an audience. That group included newscasters, actors, comedians, singers, preachers, teachers, and yes, students—think back to your school days when you stood up to deliver that presentation you were totally nervous or indifferent about! 

These days, however, EVERYONE seems to be an attention-seeker in some form or way. 

When did that change? 

When exactly did a bunch of cutters get it into their heads to post their sliced-up bodies, complete with the red of fresh blood, on Tumblr? 

When that happened, the term attention-seeker turned from an adjective...to an insult. 

Tell me...by definition alone, how is being an attention-seeker a BAD thing? Why did we even decide it was a bad thing?! Again, because everybody needs and seeks attention, it shouldn't really raise the red flag of social criticism.  

So yeah, if you're online and you get called out for seeking attention, then all you have to do is say "thanks for the compliment" and leave it there. That'll throw the haters for a loop! Lately, though, attention-seeker has taken on a different definition.

Nowadays it means you are a White cutter girl—because you know...only White girls do this apparently, and you’re using your self-mutilation as a way to get attention. Which wouldn't really bother anyone but you, except that all self-harmers are now being lumped into the mix as nothing but attention-seekers! So now all of us have to deal with the discrimination and stereotype because some bitches decided to post their bloodied arms on Tumblr! 

And you know what, this practice is getting really, really annoying. So PLEASE, if you are one of these girls...I'm not trying to shame you, or tell you off...I just want you to stop, because you are giving the rest of us a bad rep. It makes it twice as hard to educate someone about self-harm when you’re totally dismissed as someone simply seeking attention.  So, help your fellow self-harmers out there and please, just stop posting totally gross pictures of your mutilated arms! It's not only disrespectful to self-harmers everywhere, it can act as a trigger for some of them trying to stop—and most of us are trying to do just that.

Now, keep in mind...for SOME of you Tumblr-slashers out there, I can relate. I know what it's like to feel alone and to have no one to turn to. You want someone to care, but you’re too afraid to reach out. I hate to be the one passing on this breaking news, but...YOU AREN’T GOING TO GET HELP on the internet by posting your gory pictures.

You might get some people to feel sorry for you, but later they will hate on you for it. That’s NOT the same as gathering a support group who might actually help you. Yeah, it's nice to have people care, but those online strangers who are clicking on your photo, or video, do not care about YOU. They’re simply shocked by what you’re doing, mainly because they don’t understand self-harm, and that’s why they express sympathy. 

But guess what? I have a great alternative! You can go to a web site to get help and chat with others struggling with depression, self-harm, and other mental health issues!

http://gabrielle.self-injury.net/

It is a forum...an internet community full of people who understand, and who will listen to you and perhaps even be able to help. It's not as good as seeing a professional, but if you are really determined not to tell your parents about your cutting, at the very least visit this website and create an account! It's free, confidential, and nobody has to know!

And, here’s a blog, my blog, where you can get more basic self-harm information along with my latest posts:

http://mindofamasochist.blogspot.com/

As I said, I have sympathy for some of you guys...but not all of you. You see, there are two types of attention-seekers that I know about. One type I can understand, although I have never posted a pic of myself on the internet in my life. The other type...not so much. 

The group I WILL NOT sympathize with are those who claim they cut, but actually post pictures of OTHER people's slashes and blood in order to get attention and or sympathy, exploiting someone’s addiction for their own personal gain. That is not something that I can forgive nor excuse in any way.

Also...I can’t excuse those who do actually cut themselves, but ONLY for attention. What I mean is that there are some people who self-harm (aka scratch themselves shallowly) just so they can show other people and get their sympathy. They’re not doing it to release emotions, get rid of depression, or because they are addicted. I mean they full-on just do it to exploit a problem that they don't even have. That is just low and I hope that some day you'll understand the gravity of what you’re doing and how it reflects on those of us who are suffering from a serious addiction. 

Keep in mind, I am not saying that if you just scratch yourself, it means you are doing it for attention. No, because now I’ll scratch myself occasionally as a substitute for cutting, since I can't do that anymore, but I have never shown a soul. I mean, if you are cutting or scratching for the SOLE purpose of showing it off to other people, you are insulting those of us who cut because we can’t not cut and that offends me.

The online group I kind of understand, because I was in the same sinking ship a few years ago, are the ones who post as an alternative to closing yourself off completely from pretty much everybody. So you decide to spread your scars like a self-harm virus across the internet. But the problem is that those images can go on to infect others with the disease of masochism.

Now, just because I understand doesn't mean I condone your behavior. That's why I keep saying there are OTHER better ways to get noticed! As I said, you can go on chat forums for depression or self-injury.  If you don't want to quit your destructive behavior, there are pro self-injury websites. At least there you'll meet others who understand you.

If all you do is post your cutting pics on websites like Tumblr or Facebook, it might get you some sympathy but you’ll also pick up a lot of criticism. What it won’t do is bring you the understanding and help you really need. 

Now, on to the Haters! 

Many online will see your scars and instead of sympathizing, criticize and scold. I can understand that, since I know how super-annoying it is for those cuts to be posted for the world to see. 

But what you critics have to understand is that the cutters aren't gonna give you the time of  day if all you do is claim they’re seeking attention or call them out for being nothing more than whiny emos. In their place, I would diss and dismiss you too. 

Bottom line—you haters out there aren't accomplishing anything except causing pointless arguments. If you honestly want this to help, then you can do one of two things. 

First...ignore the cutters and don't respond in any way. They feed off the attention, remember? I especially suggest this if you know nothing about self-harm and are quick to react negatively to what you see online. 

Second...you can do what I do. Tell them that they aren't helping themselves by cutting, as honestly but politely as possible, and offer them some links where they can get help. 

Really, is that so hard? Keep in mind, you critics who always complain about the cutters posting pictures of their injuries are JUST as annoying as the cutters themselves!

Keep in mind, I'm not hating on anybody. I'm a self-harmer, too, so I know how both sides feel, but seriously, posting and criticizing cutting pics won’t solving anything or help anybody.

Outline

ATTENTION-SEEKER

Shouldn’t be a Bad Thing

Until Cutters Decided to Post Pics

Now Seems to Mean White Cutter Girls

CUTTING PICS ON TUMBLR  

If Not Even Your Cuts - Unforgivable

Just to Get Attention - Unforgivable

Reaching Out – Understandable

Will You Get Sympathy – Not Really

The Haters – Will Judge You

INSTEAD OF POSTING PICS

Get Professional Help

Go to a Self-Harm Web Site

Ways to Stop Self-Harming

It’s not going to be easy to stop. It takes time, effort and patience to fully quit self-harming. Even with all of my experience and understanding, I haven't stopped completely. Yet with determination and motivation, you can at least get to where I am, if not free of your addiction all together!

Be sure to get professional help. With proper therapy and medication you’ll have your best chance to kick the cutting conundrum. On your own, you’ll be fighting at the Alamo on the losing side with Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett. The key is to get to a place where you’re feeling so much better about yourself and your world that you won’t want or need to continue harming yourself.

Here are some of Misti D’s bag of effective and reliable tricks of the trade to fend off the cutting urge when it’s got you by your addiction balls. (A figure of vulgar speech for you girls out there.)

Flick a rubber band against your wrist. Don't do it excessively because then you might turn it into a new form of self-harm.

Rub an ice cube against your arm or squeeze it in your hand until the urge to cut is gone.

If you need to see blood, use a red pen or marker to draw on your skin and color it.

Draw a butterfly where you normally cut and promise not to harm yourself while the butterfly is there, or else you'll hurt the butterfly, aka, The Butterfly Project. Click here for more info: http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/)

If you self-harm because of anger, punch or scream into your pillow hard enough, vehemently enough, for long enough to cut off the cutting demon.

Take a long walk and don’t return home until the urge is gone.

Do yoga or meditation long enough for the impulse to dissipate.

Hang out or talk with friends until you’re feeling in control again.

Promise a good friend that you’re not going to cut for five minutes. When time is up, if you still feel the urge, go back to that friend and extend the promise to ten minutes. Repeat and extend as many times as needed until you no longer feel the urge.

Exercise, or do an outdoor activity for long enough and vigorously enough until that natural athletic high pushes the cutting impulses away.

Read a good book, one where you can really get into the characters and what’s happening to them. Read until the urges are gone. If you can write, start a story and work on it until you get into a writing zone. At that point, your cutting urge will be gone.

Listen to music, but music that makes you feel better and not more depressed, and before you know it your cutting impulse will be gone.

Take an ice bath. That usually works and quickly. I suppose a cold shower might work the same way.

Engage in your favorite hobby, no matter what it is, or start a new hobby.

Confide in someone and maybe talk about your issues to expel the anger and stress usually associated with an urge to cut.

Get a doll and draw on it what you want to do to yourself or actually cut the doll with a sharp blade and put some red liquid on the cuts.

And those are the all the tips that I know of to help you disarm the urge to harm yourself. If you really want to stop, please give them a try and most of all, be safe!

Outline

STOP SELF-HARMING

Will it be Easy - No

Will You Stop Completely – Not Necessarily

Can You Get Better Control - Yes

Who Can Best Help - Professionals

CONTROLLING THE URGE    

Sting your Skin with a Rubber Band

Rub your Skin with an Ice Cube

Instead of Blood, Draw Red on your Skin

Draw a Butterfly where you Cut

If Angry, Punch a Pillow

Take a Long Walk

Try Yoga & Meditation

Hang Out with Friends

Promise a Friend you Won’t Cut

Exercise Long & Hard

Read a Good Book, or, Write One

Listen to Music that Moves You

Take an Ice Bath or Cold Shower

Lose Yourself in a Good Hobby

Confide in Someone who will Really Listen

Cut on a Doll, Instead of On You

Also, here is a video I found on YouTube, by idranktheseawater, which explains and expands on the doll idea! (No, this not me!)